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The Car That You Are

Monday 3 June 2013, by
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Ever noticed how couples who’ve been together forever talk about having found their ‘soul mates’?  Well, we reckon there’s a similar truth about people and the cars they drive.

Think about it.  Consciously or not, we humans make statements about ourselves with every single one of our possessions.  Every time we pull on a certain T-shirt or wear a particular necklace or read a newspaper, we’re saying, “Hey, world, this is who I am.”

We’re sure psychologists have invented some complicated theories to explain this.  What we’re more interested in here, though, is this: if you were a car, which car would you be?  It’s not going to win us the Nobel Prize, admittedly, but it’s a bit of a giggle.

VW Beetle

Drive the Beetle and you’re probably a bit of a quirky type.  The sort of maverick who zags when everyone else is still zigging.  You don’t play by society’s rules, my friend, and that’s just the way it is.

Just like the Beetle, you’re un-pigeon-hole-able.  Aesthetically unconventional, thought-provoking.  You’re a deep thinker who’s not afraid to assert opinions that run counter to the norm.

Of course, the Beetle is a pretty popular car.  Which means there are many others like you out there.  As they said in Life Of Brian: “Yes, we’re all individuals.”

Celeb examples: Vivienne Westwood, David Bowie.

 

Mini

You’re a cheeky little so-and-so, aren’t you?  No amount of negativity can dampen your spirits.  You zip through life with a cheery grin and a sunny outlook, brightening the lives of all you come into contact with.  You’re the centre of conversation, the life and soul of the party (even when it’s just you and the dog at home), the social catalyst for your group of mates.

New club night in town?  You’re first in the queue.  Friend needs cheering up?  You’re there.  Party wants organising?  You’re spreading the word via social networks quicker than someone can say, “Now, where did I put that piñata?”

Keep up the great work, Mini people!

Celeb examples: Paloma Faith, Ant and/or Dec.

 

Volvo

If you say you’re going to do something then, by jingo, you do it.

You’re the reliable chum that friends and family turn to in their hour of need.  You’ll provide good, honest, home-spun advice; a cup of strong tea and a digestive; and – if needs be – a set of hedge trimmers.

You may well be captain of your village cricket team or a senior figure in the W.I. with additional cake-baking responsibilities.

Volvo folk, you are the salt of the earth.  Possibly low-sodium salt, but salt nevertheless.

Celeb examples: Moira Stewart, John Craven.

 

Alfa Romeo

Ooh, you glamour puss.  Heads turn when you come into the room.  You know it and you love it.

You’re a much-needed touch of the exotic in an otherwise drizzly landscape.  While the rest of us concern ourselves with the workaday matters of life – like whether or not to keep the heating on in June – you’re wondering which red carpet event to attend next and deciding which Hollywood A-Lister to invite.

How we wish we could be more like you, Alfa Romeo-ers.  Ciao.

Celeb examples: David Beckham, Nicole Scherzinger.

 

Estate car

You’re the sort of person everyone loves to have a drink with.  When the pub quiz team’s one short, you’re first on the list to be drafted in.  Solid, a safe pair of hands.  “Oh, yes, let’s ask old [insert name here] – he/she’s never let anybody down.”

In your earlier days, you were probably a bit of a wild child.  But you’ve mellowed into a thoroughly decent member of society, a model neighbour and active member of several community groups.

You can also shift a ladder or take an unwieldy car-load to the recycling centre should the need arise.

Celebrity examples: Jo Whiley, Jonathan Ross.

 

If you’re on the look-out for an automotive partner for life’s journey, have a squizz at our motors section and find your perfect match.


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