Everyday Problems Solved by Everyday ObjectsThursday 28 November 2013, by The Media Team
More often than not, we all encounter problems that boggle the mind and charge through our thoughts with stampedes of worry. But worry no more! Here are some Gumtree-based solutions to these tedious troubles, displayed by a super simple Q & A.
You arrive at work to what sounds like serious chitter chatter. You didn’t have any idea your colleagues had such colourful lives. Jean the receptionist never usually talks about anything other than her hanging baskets, and now she is discussing some major deal going down… And that’s when it hits you. They are discussing last night’s episode of Breaking Bad, and you can’t help but feel excluded. It becomes startlingly apparent that the only solution is to go and buy the box set, go home pull the curtains together and take a week off work, so you can catch up and reintegrate back into society.
You’ve tried visualising yourself at the top of Everest, booking a session with the hypnotist, and even watched Vertigo on DVD, but all of it leaves you with sweaty palms and shaky knees. The simplest solution is to invest in a ladder, and climb one more step each week until you reach the summit. Success!
Mum is playing the piano, Auntie Mavis is singing songs from the war and Dad’s carving the gloriously golden brown turkey, fresh out of the oven. Everyone cheers and rejoices after another brilliant year. Then someone suggests a game of Monopoly – after all, what harm could it do…? BOOM!
Everyone between the age of 1 and 110 seems to be talking about Miley Cyrus right now – her outfits, her dancing, her behaviour, oh and yes her music. So how do you, like Miley, get noticed when out and about? By replicating some of her moves of course! To save money on Yoga and dance lessons, limber up with a good old-fashioned game of twister, so next time you hit the tiles you can twerk like its 1999.
It’s been another tough month on the bank balance… Perhaps you shouldn’t have bought that second Swiss watch, or the batman costumes, but it’s no time to dwell. You have two options: rent out your room and move home with your parents – who will ask you what time you will be home every time you open the front door – or buy a tent pitch it in the yard and embrace nature. It’s a no brainer.
You spot a girl working at the local café. You visit regularly, hoping for some kind of acknowledgment, but even when you order fancy coffees and mention how much weather we have been getting of late, she doesn’t seem to notice you anymore than the guy wearing chinos on table two, whose power colour is probably beige. It’s time to up your game by purchasing an outfit that she simply cannot miss. It’s foolproof.
As you rattle along the underground on the way to work, the misery of it all seems to have taken your fellow passengers into a pit of despair. They seem to have forgotten how to celebrate man’s achievement of creating this masterful underground network. Surely there must be some way to lighten the mood a little, something everyone would appreciate? Ding!
You wake up your head is banging, you have overslept and you look somewhat short of a million dollars. Why did you agree to meeting your ex today of all days! With no time to freshen up to make yourself look human, there’s only one quick solution. Whack on a pair of sunnies and face the music. Perhaps your ex will think the dark glasses make you seem elusive and edgy and beg to have you back. Success!