Under the Gumtree

Best of Gumtree personals: Part 2

It’s time to delve once again into the wonderful world of Gumtree dating and see what people are doing in order to attract their perfect mate.

One favourite this week is the exclamation that one 23-year-old North London lady wants “no bloody nut jobs”. It may sound obvious, but you never can be too careful! She’s looking for “someone kind, but not obsessive, hilarious but not twatish, cute but not pitiful but above all else just plain nice”.

We decided to play Cupid and attempt to find her a match. There must be a few ‘not twatish’ men out there, surely?

Avoiding the Antiguan man looking for “clean adult fun”  (somewhow, we just don’t think they’d get on), we stumbled across someone looking for a date to a Calvin Harris gig and a 30-something self-confessed “optimistic nihilist”. Ok, but not good enough.

Then, there’s the essay-length intro from a North London boy who’s quite frankly desperate to get out and do something with a ladyfriend of any description (so long as she’s CUTE).  He seems suitably intense, but we’re not sure about someone who refers to their friends as “lazy arses”.

Just as we were losing hope, bingo! We discovered a tall, normal-sounding 23 year old boy in North London looking for a girl to wine and dine. Same age, same short and sweet description…could this be a match made in Gumtree heaven?

Following this successful (imaginary) pairing, we moved on to the Casual Encounters section. Obviously much of what goes on there isn’t really suitable to print here, but we did love the fact one booty caller felt the need to reveal he also enjoys exploring old castles. We love a man with varied tastes!

Bored of London, we headed up to Birmingham. Those Brummies don’t mince their words, and we kind of love the frank admission from this “big-boned lad looking for a nice lady” that “That’s just polite way of saying fat! ”. At least he’s honest! Meanwhile, proving romance isn’t dead, Dave in Tamworth is offering to do the ironing while his lady soaks in the bath. Aww. Finally, the ‘passionate poet’ returns with a new love poem for the ladies of Gumtree Brum. We wish we saw his first…